


Strength Doesn't Always Come From Within

by Musetotheworld



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musetotheworld/pseuds/Musetotheworld
Summary: Kara needs to talk to someone, but she's put enough on Alex over the years and her sister is going through enough. So she finds someone else to turn to.Post episode for 2x06





	

**Author's Note:**

> So with the lack of Kryptonite in DEO hands it's sort of vaguely implied by lack of mention that Non was killed in the finale, but since they don't say anything I'm going with he's being held in a cell with a red sun lamp that mimics the effects of Rao and limits his powers. Really wish the show would occasionally explain a bit more on important things like that, but oh well.

Kara loves her sister. If there's one defining trait behind who she is, one specific idea rather than the generality of being a superhero, it's that she will always protect Alex. And that will never change.

So when Alex is in pain, Kara listens. She holds her, right on the edge of too tightly, and she's there for her. Through every sob, every bit of self judgement, every pang of hurt. She's there for Alex, the way Alex has always been for her. 

And finally, she understands how Alex had felt.

So many times Alex had held her as she figured out some new facet of life on Earth, as she struggled through some new situation. Kara knows now that her sister had pushed down her own issues to do so, to be there for her, and now she's the one who has to do that.

She hadn't realized how hard it was until it's her turn.

And of course Kara doesn't complain, would never complain. This is about Alex, and being there for her, not Kara and what she's going through. She can deal with her emotions from the night herself. Really, she puts too much on her sister as it is, and maybe that should change. They'll always be there for each other, Kara doesn't doubt that for a second, but maybe Kara can let others in too, at least enough to keep from overwhelming Alex.

So when Alex finally falls asleep, Kara only hesitates for a minute before changing into her suit and flying away. She leaves a note telling Alex to call her as soon as she wakes up, promising she'll be there as soon as she can, but Kara has held her thoughts in long enough and needs to get them out. Needs to talk to someone who can listen, and understand.

That's how she finds herself outside of Cat's hotel room in Metropolis, knowing that with the time difference Cat will already be up, old habits dying hard. Cat doesn't need daylight or a rigid schedule to work, and even if she's currently between projects Kara knows she'll at least be making an attempt to keep busy. Hopefully she isn't interrupting anything serious, but even if she is Kara has a feeling Cat will make time for her.

"Well, this is unexpected," Cat says when Kara knocks on the door to the balcony, standing and crossing the room without hesitation to let her in. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I needed someone to talk to," Kara admits after a moment, hesitantly perching on the suite's opulent couch. "And you always did give the best advice."

"And will this be cape or job related?" Cat asks with a carefully arched brow, laughing a little when Kara jerks in surprise despite her best effort to stay still. "Honestly, you're worried about that after flying across the country for advice? Advice you obviously can't get from anyone else or you wouldn't have taken the time, so if I'm going to help, pretending I don't know half of the story seems to defeat the purpose."

"But you tried to get me to tell you!” Kara exclaims, knowing instinctively that further protests will be useless and abandoning the thought. “If you already knew, why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because direct confrontation worked so well for us the first time, of course.” Cat’s voice is dripping with sarcasm and the bite Kara has missed more than she’ll admit over the past weeks. “Besides, it was all part of the dance between us. You pretending you weren’t Supergirl, and me pretending it wasn’t painfully obvious after years of being in your presence almost constantly. Really, Kara, I realize I wasn’t the warmest of bosses, but did you really think I didn’t learn anything about you?”

“That’s um, that’s not why I came here,” Kara says quickly, hoping to get them back on track and avoid the potential trap that is that conversation.

“Yes, you came here for advice,” Cat says, taking a seat in the chair across from where Kara sits. “Apparently advice no one else can give you.”

“Normally I’d go to my sister,” Kara says quietly, not wanting to hurt Cat with the admission. “But I’ve realized lately that I do that a lot, even when she should be taking care of her own issues, like she is now. I don’t want to pull her away from those.”

“Is Agent Scully okay?” Cat asks with genuine concern. She doesn’t seem bothered by the fact Kara would have sought out someone else first, and Kara internally sighs in relief.

“She will be, she’s just dealing with some things right now.” Kara knows Alex is strong, that she’ll manage to bounce back from the rejection eventually, even move past it, but for now Alex is hurting and it’s Kara’s turn to be there for her. “But I really shouldn’t say more, it’s not my place.”

“Some secrets do need kept,” Cat agrees, smirking as Kara rolls her eyes at the apparent irony of that statement. “But others need shared. Tell me what’s wrong, Kara.”

“I killed a man last night,” Kara blurts out, because the truth of that fact has been sitting heavily on her shoulders for hours. It kept her awake, tugging at the corners of her mind no matter how hard she shoved it away to be there for Alex. She needs to talk to somebody about it, or it will keep eating her alive. “I tried to avoid it, I swear I did, but there wasn’t a choice. And I hate that fact.”

“I’m sure you tried everything you could,” Cat says, sincerity clear in her voice despite the slight shock on her face. The DEO had managed the cleanup at the scene, concealing the result of the fight as best they could for now. It would come out eventually, Kara knows that, but with Cat being removed from her position as reigning queen, the speculation obviously hadn’t reached her yet. “You can’t blame yourself for doing what needed to be done, Kara.”

“But two beings are dead now, because of my actions. Right or wrong, I killed them.” Kara is crying now, trying desperately to hold the tears back even as they fall harder. She needs to get this out, needs to grieve for the lives lost, the potential erased from the world. Even though Jones and the parasite had been an immediate danger, she still regrets her actions, at least on some levels.

No matter how Kara thinks about it, she can’t come up with any other solution than the one she’d used, no way to neutralize Jones without killing them. The parasite would have absorbed anything they threw at him other than a burst of energy powerful enough to kill, and no containment material portable enough to be used in the field would have been strong enough to hold them. And she couldn’t fight them, not without being drained again. And this time there would have been no guarantee she’d live.

Kara knows she’s capable of sacrificing her life to save the world, had believed she was doing so when she lifted Fort Rozz into space. She’s comfortable with the idea in a way she knows Alex hates, but it’s a fact of life to her now. She’s taken up the cape and her family’s coat of arms, dedicated herself to the protection of this world, and she doesn’t know any way to mean that other than completely. But to go into a situation knowing she would die, and knowing it wouldn’t accomplish anything? That isn’t the same.

Without a word Cat rises from the chair and crosses to her side, pulling Kara into a hug where it’s her turn to be the strong one. Right now she isn’t Supergirl, isn’t a superhero, she’s just a girl facing an uncomfortable truth. She can break down, gasp out how much she wishes there had been another way, how much she hates herself for taking that step no matter how much she’d been forced into it. How she feels she’s let her house down, let her cousin down as well. Krypton hadn’t had the death penalty, and Kara has never really accepted that it exists on Earth, a dislike she knows Kal-El shares.

“Oh, Kara,” Cat whispers into her hair once the sobs have calmed, still holding her tightly. “Darling, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s normal to feel like this, it’s a good thing to be horrified at the loss of life. It means you feel so very much, and that is one of your greatest strengths. We don’t need a hero that doesn’t care about us, doesn’t do everything in their power to do the right thing. We need you.”

That nearly sets Kara off again, but with Cat’s arms around her she’s able to find the strength to hold them back, to move past the overwhelming grief at the cost of her actions to a place of acceptance. Or at least the beginnings of it, Kara knows she’ll still wrestle with what she’s done for days and weeks to come, but that’s okay. Because Jones deserves to be remembered, for the man he’d been if not for the man he’d become.

“I still hate that I know I’m capable of this,” Kara admits when she’s finally found the strength to pull back from Cat’s arms. “I’ve had to come close before, but the line was always still there.”

“And it still is,” Cat interrupts, looking at Kara seriously. “You’re thinking that the line is taking a life, and under normal situations you’d be right. But for you, Supergirl, the line is taking a life when other options exist. You’re a hero, you have to make the tough choices, and that doesn’t come with the luxury of stepping back because it’s hard. You aren’t going to go out and face the next alien with the thought that their death is a reasonable outcome, are you?”

“Of course not!” Kara exclaims loudly, sickened at the very thought.

“Kara, there are tenants in the rooms around us,” Cat points out with a pointed look, earning a sheepish smile as Kara realizes just how loud she’d been at a very early hour. “My point is that you took the necessary steps, _after_ exhausting all other options, and that you are strong enough to continue to exhaust those options in the future rather than take the opportunity to end things quickly. That is the line you will never cross.”

She says it with such faith that Kara can’t help leaning in for another hug, unable to show her thanks any other way. Even after weeks away Cat still has the power to know exactly what she needs to hear. “I’ve missed you,” Kara says after a moment, pulling away reluctantly. This closeness between them is new, and she knows Cat still has issues with personal space.

“Well then you’ll just have to come and visit more often, won’t you?” Cat says, reaching out to place a hand on Kara’s knee. “I don’t believe for a second that you haven’t been tracking my itinerary, so you’ll know where to find me. And Kara, my door is always open.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Kara argues, mostly out of habit and ignoring the comment about Cat’s itinerary. She just wants to be sure Cat is safe. “You’re finding new waters, you don’t need an anchor to the past hanging around all the time.”

“I’m beginning to regret using so many water metaphors, you keep bringing them back to haunt me,” Cat says with a roll of her eyes that Kara recognizes immediately as one lacking any real bite. “But you’re not an anchor, Kara. You never could be.” There’s a world of meaning in that simple statement, and if Kara were braver she’d push forward. But now isn’t the time, not for either of them.

Kara is still finding her path as a hero, even after a year wearing the cape. She’s dealing with realizations brought on by the cold emptiness of space, the appearance of Mon-El, Kal-El’s temporary presence in her life, and the stress of a new job. Between all that and needing to be there for Alex, she doesn’t have time to examine the things changing between herself and Cat. And as for Cat, she’s setting out to conquer the world, or at least a little more of it than she already has. She’s figuring out her next moves, exploring options she hasn’t had the chance to even consider, and Kara can’t pull her away from that. She _won’t_.

“One last piece of advice before you go,” Cat says as she leans against the doorway when Kara prepares to leave, standing on the balcony and drinking in the rays of the early morning sunlight. “Tell your sister about what you were feeling when you came here. You have my advice, you’ve worked through the worst of it, but I’ve seen the two of you together. You lean on each other far more than you lean on anyone else, and she would want to know.”

“But she’s going through so much right now,” Kara objects, thinking about how exhausted Alex had been when she’d finally let Kara tuck her into bed, how long she’d spent sobbing over the pain of rejection. “I can’t put this on her, I need to be there for her for once, without making things about me.”

“You need to be there for each other. You don’t need her to give you answers, you have those already. You don’t need her to hold you when you cry, I’ve done that. You’re still hurting over it, but you’re on your feet. What you do need, what both of you need, is to know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Don’t hold this back from her, not when it’s this important to you.” Cat’s voice is sure but soft, and Kara nods before slowly rising into the sky.

“I’ll tell her if you promise you’ll tell me what’s going on in your life too,” Kara bargains, soft smile on her face as she lingers a moment longer.

“Don’t be a stranger, Supergirl,” is the only response, but Kara knows it’s an agreement.

“Until next time, Miss Grant,” she says before turning back towards National City and her sister. Time to be the strong one once more.


End file.
